So I watched ‘The Break Up’ last night and felt totally cheated. I cannot believe they don’t get back together at the end! That’s not a Rom Com, that’s a Rom Con! I didn’t sit and watch an hour and a half of actually quite an engaging film to see a mutual agreement at the end not to be together. I wanted rain, maybe even a bit of snow. I wanted an exhausting sex scene or a fireworks display where they declare their love for one another. But, no. I got ‘see you around’. Very, very disappointing. For once, real life is more exciting than the movies. However, in an attempt to prevent this turning into a film review, I must turn to the real reason I’m writing this; because of the way the film made me think about my own break up history.
Having been through only two major break ups in my life, I feel a little inadequate on the discussion of relationships falling apart but I personally think that the first is always the worst. Not because you love them more than any later lovers, just because it’s so new. At the age of around sixteen, you find yourself completely falling for someone with the entirety of your heart, body, mind and soul. (I don’t think one ever falls harder or faster than when falling for a first love.) So when the inevitable happens and the relationship crumbles due to conflicting university choices, travelling, or worst of all, cheating, your whole world seems to fall apart. Once you’ve been through The First Love Break Up, whether you are sixteen or forty-five, a lot of things are put into perspective. I think it makes you a little colder, a little more closed and a lot more cynical about the future…
But once the first is somewhat behind you, you follow it up with the next break up which is usually The University Break Up, or as I like to call it, ‘the early twenties freak out’. You get to twenty-one, final year of university and think ‘Oh Holy Fuck, I have a year left to go wild. What am I doing?’ You call it off, there are tears, a lot more break up sex than you could ever possibly imagine and then that period where you decide that it would be a good idea to see who can hurt each other more to make yourself feel better. This is the worst phase of all. It is the numbness of this break up which is the scariest because it is nothing in comparison to the childish hurt you felt from the first. You think you don’t really care as much as the first time. But you really do. You just have to hope that when you realise you made a mistake, it’s not too late.
The Long Distance Break Up isn’t much better I’m afraid. This one appears to be all about how much effort you put in, how much you love each other or the amount of distance between you. In reality, it isn’t any of the above. Instead, it is simply just really really hard to be away from the one you love. The whole reason you are with someone is because you enjoy their company, you find them physically attractive and because your life is much better when you’re around them. You can’t experience any of these things to their maximum potential over Skype or through text messaging which is why these relationships generally fail. Think about it. How many long distance relationships that you’ve experienced, personally or not, have actually worked out? I don’t know any that have. If there’s an end in sight then it might be worth the struggle, but if not it might be time to think about the cut and run?
The thing you need to remember is that until you find ‘The One’ or at least ‘One of the Ones’,
“Love always begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop.” Anonymous
As long as you know this, you can limit the pain and live for the moment. But is it all worth it? I think I’ll leave that one up to you…